Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler :: the blog

The Stuff of Which Momsomnia (and Nightmares) Are Made

Finding it difficult to figure out what to do about your child's sleep problems? Your own sleep deprivation could be making it tougher for you to deal with the problem effectively. A study reported in the March 1 issue of the scientific journal Sleep found that the more sleep-deprived you are, the more difficult it is to make morally complex decisions -- like whether to live with your child's sleep problems for a little while longer before embarking on any sort of formal sleep training program, to go with sleep training option A (the one that feels right to you), or to go with sleep training option B (the one that your partner and your best friend are rooting for).

Sleep Book Summaries | Cry-It-Out Methods | Ferber, Mindell, Weissbluth

These mini-reviews are optional additional content designed to accompany the sleep tools in Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler by Ann Douglas (Wiley, 2006).

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition by Richard Ferber, M.D.: Dr. Ferber's classic guide to sleep training. The Ferber method is one of the few methods to have been studied in clinical trials. It has been proven to reduce the severity of postpartum depression in a group of depressed mothers in Australia. That's not to say the method is good, bad, or the right one for you. I'm just pointing out that we actually have some clinical data about this method. Note: Wendy Hall, a UBC researcher, has pointed out, quite rightly, that we need a lot more research into the relative merits of various sleep training methods. She says it's no wonder we have so much conflicting evidence -- and that parents are so confused. She says we need to treat sleep research as a priority, just as we treat nutritional research.

Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep by Jodi Mindell, PhD: Jodi Mindell does a fabulous job of explaining infant sleep patterns and all of her sleep recommendations/tips are solidly backed by research. Her tone is warm and reassuring and her credentials are impeccable. (She is one of America's top sleep experts.) Even if you find the cry-it-out method a bit too tough, you can still pick up plenty of valuable information from Mindell's book.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc S. Weissbluth, M.D.: Marc Weissbluth's book has a lot of useful information on how sleep cycles evolve in babies and young children and what parents can do to promote healthy sleep habits. You don't have to agree with everything he says in this book or decide to use his sleep training methods to glean very valuable information from this book that you can then apply to your child/family's situation. Consider this a really solid "sleep science" title.

Sleep Book Summaries | Gentle/No-Cry Methods | Sears, Pantley, Karp

Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Co-Sleeping by James McKenna: The ultimate attachment parenting sleep book, James McKenna's book is the first research-based book for parents that is fully dedicated to the subject of cosleeping. McKenna is the director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame. See: Interview with James McKenna; My Review.

Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy by Kim West: This book presents a very realistic gentle sleep solution. I like the fact that "The Sleep Lady" (a.k.a. Kim West) states in her introduction that while she's very much in favor of minimizing crying, she can't guarantee that all crying will be avoidable for all babies. This is a realistic statement and helps to remove some of the unnecessary guilt that has been injected into the sleep discussion over the past few years.

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep by William Sears, M.D.: This book is a classic -- the book that helped me to gain a perspective on the sleep issue back when I found myself pacing the floor with my first-born!

In Search of Sleep: Straight Talk About Babies, Toddlers and Night Waking by Bonny Reichert: This is one of the more sensible books to be written on sleep over the years, but one that not too many people know about. I really like the down-to-earth, friendly tone and the fact that the author isn't promoting a particular sleep agenda. The author isn't offering a sleep program per se but rather explaining to parents why it takes babies time to learn how to sleep through the night and why this process shouldn't be rushed.

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp, MD: This book provides excellent advice about soothing fussy babies and helping them to get the sleep they need.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley: No sleep book list these days would be complete without a mention of Elizabeth Pantley's bestselling guide to infant sleep. The book's key strength is Pantley's explanation of gentle infant soothing techniques, like helping a baby to be less dependent on the breast for falling asleep. Pantley has done a great job of summarizing a lot of helpful advice on sleep (e.g., pretending to be asleep when baby wants to nurse during the night when you're cosleeping to see if baby will settle on his/her own). The title is a bit misleading, given that the method allows for crying. Ideally, this book should be considered a sleep-soothing rather than a sleep-training resource (more in the category of a "Happiest Baby" book). The book encourages inconsistency rather than consistency in sleep training, something that goes against the basic principles of behavior modification.

Sleep Book Summaries | Family-Centered Guides to Sleep | Wadburger and Spivack, Douglas

The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5 by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack: One of the newest arrivals on the sleep book shelf. What makes this book stand out is the fact that it's clearly written to both mom and dad (as opposed to just mom). After all, sleep is both parents' problem -- or it will be soon, if mom gets too sleep deprived. The book assumes that the couple is heterosexual (hence the "marriage-saver" advice). It's a great idea to get both partners talking about sleep, ideally before baby arrives, so if you're planning to buy this guide for a friend, make it a pre-baby purchase.

Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage (Mother of All Solutions) by Ann Douglas: This one is my book. I don't favor any one sleep training method. I think that would be kind of presumptuous of me, given that I've never had the privilege of meeting you or your baby and I don't know anything about your parenting style, your family's circumstances, or your child's age/developmental stage. Instead, I provide you with an explanation of the science behind each of the major sleep training schools of thought (and an indication of how each method might mesh with your parenting philosophies) so you can make up your mind for yourself. The book also features stories, anecdotes, and tips from the more than 200 parents who served as members of the parent advisory panel for the book.They talk about how unprepared they felt for the sleep deprivation of early parenthood, how judged they felt by other parents if those parents made other sleep choices than they did ("You can't talk sleep training with other parents." one mom concluded. "It's like religion and politics."); about co-sleeping (both pro and con), co-parenting (partners who were helpful and partners who were not), and the "high stakes" feeling that surrounds the whole sleep debate.

Sleep Book Summaries | Lesser Known Sleep Books With Plenty to Offer

The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan: The Soothing, Superfast Way to Help Your New Baby Sleep Through the Night...and Prevent Sleep Problems Before They Develop by Cathryn Tobin, M.D.: This book -- published last year -- features a 7-day plan that can be used to take advantage of a sleep learning window of opportunity that, according to the author, occurs at around six to eight weeks. If you've missed that window of opportunity, you can still use the book to re-train older babies and toddlers.

Sleep (Johnson's Everyday Babycare): This book provides a concise overview of sleep-related issues. This is a great place to start if you're bleary-eyed and having a hard time concentrating on anything longer than a grocery list.

Sleep: The Brazelton Way by T. Barry Brazelton: A brief introduction to the world of babies and sleep. Again, this book would be a good place to start if you're too exhausted to tackle a "big sleep book" right now.

American Academy of Pediatrics Guide to Your Child's Sleep: Birth Through Adolescence: A medically-oriented guide to children and sleep. Because the book covers a huge age range (birth to adolesence), only a small part of the book focuses on babies. Still, what is there is very useful as long as you aren't put off by the sometimes conservative tone. An excellent resource guide for the more medical-oriented sleep questions.

Sleeping Like a Baby: A Sensitive and Sensible Approach to Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by Avi Sadeh: Avi Sadeh looks at the science behind infant sleep. He does a good job of differentiating between sleep problems and sleep disorders and provides a lot of reassuring words and helpful advice (via case studies) to parents who are wondering if they'll ever sleep again.

A Sleep Test for Tired Parents

I was up a little later than I should have been last night. (I'm not going to tell you how late I was up, so don't even ask. The official answer is, "Way too late!") :-)

Anyway, I was happily researching away, convinced that my brain was firing on all cylinders, until I came upon an online sleep test at the BBC website.

That's when things started to fall apart.

According to the results of the online sleep test, I was functioning about as well as an ambling armadillo -- as opposed to, say, a turbo-charged cheetah -- their terms, not mine.

I was so dopey, in fact, that the test recommended that I get myself a cup of coffee, pronto.

For once, I turned down the offer of a virtual java and headed straight to bed. Even I could see I needed sleep.

Try the test for yourself and then swing back over here to let me know how you did: whether you were as surprised by the results as I was.

Was your brain a little more sluggish than you'd predicted? Or is your brain super-charged 24/7?

* * * * *

It's funny how the sleep deprived mind can play tricks on itself, convincing itself (or you) that it's functioning normally when it's obviously not.

Sleep deprivation affects us in all kinds of ways, an important point to bear in mind during the early months and years of parenthood when sleep tends to be in chronically short supply.

Sleep deprivation takes its toll on your emotional equilibrium -- your ability to take life as it comes; your creativity and problem-solving skills; your interest in using your bed for anything but sleep; your powers of concentration (an important point to bear in mind before you get behind the wheel); and your overall enjoyment of life.

One more thing. Don't assume that your situation is hopeless or that your child's sleep problem is hopeless because you're desperately craving sleep. There are ways of dealing with even the most frustrating of sleep situations. Sometimes you deal with the sleep problem. Sometimes you deal with other areas of your life to make it easier to deal with the sleep problem. Sometimes you take a combined approach.

Just remember:

When you're feeling sleep deprived,
you may need someone to help with the problem-solving piece.

(Remember what I said above about your creativity, problem-solving, and decision-making skills getting zapped by sleep deprivation? That's why this seems so tough.)

So hold on tight, wave a onesie, and ask a good friend for help. That's what friends are for.

Related:
Sleep deprivation in pregnant women
Author Interview with Anjali of the Dotmoms: See question: What practical tips can you give tired and weary parents who can barely make it through the day, and see no end in sight to their children's sleepless nights?

Sleep Solutions Podcast

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of being a guest on StorkNet Radio -- the online radio show hosted by Maribeth Doerr of StorkNet.com.

I've worked with Maribeth for many years (a number of the articles I've written on miscarriage and stillbirth over the years were written for StorkNet's grief area) but this was the first time we'd ever actually had the opportunity to speak to one another (one of those strange situations that is becoming increasingly commonplace in the age of the Internet).

If you tune into the podcast, you'll see that we found plenty to talk about, once we finally connected:

the sleep deprivation of early parenthood

dealing with common baby/toddler/preschooler sleep problems

strategies for reducing new parent worry and guilt

how motherhood changes your life forever

kids, husbands, writing, etc.

Listen to the podcast here
(or download a copy for later listening)

Hope you enjoy listening to the chat as much as Maribeth and I enjoyed recording it.

- Ann

Sleep Tools for Tired Parents

I've created the following sleep tools
in response to some of the
most frequently asked questions
about babies and sleep:

How Much Sleep Do Babies Need? Your Top Seven Baby Sleep Questions Answered

Why Won't My Baby Sleep?

Which Sleep Training Method is Right for You?

Moms and Sleep

8 Summer Sleep Strategies

Shedding Some Light on The Issue of Sleep

Book Review: Sleeping With Your Baby by James McKenna

In the preface to this book, attachment parenting guru William Sears, MD, author of The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family, identifies James J. McKenna, PhD, as the leading authority on co-sleeping -- and for good reason. Through his work as the director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame and through countless studies published in collaboration with researchers around the world, McKenna has established a highly specialized niche, establishing himself as the world's top expert on the science and anthropology of co-sleeping.

Back when I was writing my own sleep book a year ago -- Sleep Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage (Mother of All Solutions) -- I noted that what co-sleeping parents really needed was some sort of guide to safe -- or safer -- co-sleeping: a book that summarized all the best evidence on safe sleeping (as applied to various co-sleeping arrangments) and presented this information in a clear and practical way. In writing Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping, McKenna has written just such a book.

Providing photos that clearly illustrate the dangers of entrapment and that caution parents against other situations that would make bedsharing a poor choice (e.g., if one or both parents is significantly obese, if the parents smoke or if the mother smoked during pregnancy, if one or both parents have consumed alcohol, if the sleeping surface is not suitable for bedsharing, if pets or older children share the bed, etc.), McKenna clearly maps out the do's and don'ts of cosleeping. He also explains that there's a difference between bedsharing (sharing a bed) and cosleeping (sleeping with your baby in close proximity to you). He stresses that it's important to specify the nature of the cosleeping arrangement when we're talking about cosleeping so that we don't muddy the waters further on this already controversial issue. "There is no one right way to cosleep, nor does cosleeping occur in one correct configuration. While some ways of cosleeping are safer than other ways, some are not safe at all," he notes.

Common myths about cosleeping are also addressed (e.g., cosleeping always means bedsharing, you won't sleep well if you're cosleeping, forget about romance if you're cosleeping, that baby will never leave your bed if you're cosleeping).

Appendices provide details about other helpful products that may be of interest to parents who choose to cosleep. There are also exhaustive references, for anyone who wishes to do further research into cosleeping.

Another noteworthy feature is the book's introduction -- written by Meredith Small, author of Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent. Small writes: "The accepted norm in Western culture is singular sleep for babies; this is what the pediatricians recommend and what the grandparents expect. And so cosleeping has become a revolutionary act. But parents who choose to cosleep with their babies don't feel like revolutionaries, they just want to stay close to their babies. Thank goodness we have Jim to reassure cosleeping families that their choice is normal and natural, no matter what the culture says."

The book is easy to read and it is respectful of parents every step of the way. If you're thinking of cosleeping -- or if you suspect that you could end up carring your baby back to bed on occasion in a desperate quest for sleep, even if your baby will be sleeping someplace else most of the time -- you should read this book.

Related:

An overview of some of the best-known sleep books
Sleep book mini-reviews from Amazon.com
Sleep and temperament book list from Amazon.com
Encourage your newborn to nap
Stop obsessing about sleep or feeling guilty about sleep

Sleep Study: Getting the Facts on Sleep (Yours and Baby's) Can Help You to Be a Better Rested New Mom

Research conducted at Toronto's Hospital for Sick Children has shown that getting the facts on babies and sleep can help you to be a better-rested new parent.

Women involved in the treatment group in the study -- which was reported in the Dec. 1 issue of the medical journal Sleep -- were provided with information on the following topics: "maternal sleep hygiene; strategies for increasing maternal sleep; maternal relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing; acknowledgment of the challenges of parenting and sleep deprivation; and information on infant sleep structure, cues, sleep promotion, and self-soothing." more

Related:
Baby Sleep Solutions: Help for Tired Parents: Baby and Toddler Sleep Research Updates, Advice, Links
Sleep Articles
Baby Sleep Links: A Quick Guide to Finding the Best Sleep Info Online
Baby Sleep Questions